Thursday, September 15, 2011

Brutal honesty as only a kid can say it.

I have this niece who is freaking funny. My sister could seriously write a book on all the things she says. Well I've always said that my kids aren't quite as entertaining as Kimberly, but we've had a very eventful week. Apparently my kids have decided they are hilarious. Of course, my self esteem may not ever recover.

So this was the conversation as we were all getting in the car the other day...

Josh(Age 7): Mom? Can I sit in the front seat?
Me: No.
Josh: But Dad lets me sometimes because the air bag turns off.
Jackie(Age 6): But mom has to sit in the front seat.
Josh: No she doesn't. She can sit back here.
Jackie: No she can't. There's not enough room. Her butt is so much bigger than ours.
My Husband: *snicker* *snicker*
Me: *mentally* Thanks Jackie. Thanks so much. Love you too.

Then, as if that weren't bad enough, the next day we're driving home from school and the kids are being all quiet when suddenly...

Josh: Mom?
Me: Yes?
Josh: Were there cars when you were a kid?
Me: *mentally* Nice. Are you two in this together or what? *out loud*  Cars were invented over a hundred years ago. I'm not more than a hundred years old. So, yes, Josh, there were cars when I was a kid.
Josh: *thinks about this long and hard*  Oh. So... were there planes then?
Me: *mentally* Thanks Josh. Thanks so much. Love you too.

Apparently in the eyes of my children I'm ancient with a huge butt. Nice. And while we're at it, I'll go ahead and add this little gem to the pile...

A few months back we were sitting in church and my husband, the talented artist was sketching my daughter's profile on a piece of paper. She thought it was so good she asked me to draw one too. She told me to draw a picture of her father. Well, little secret about me--my creative talents stop at drawing. So I start drawing a picture of my husband. After a minute Jackie frowns and says, "No, Mom. Draw a real picture."

I'm doing my best, mind you. So I tell her, "I am drawing a real picture."

She frowns again an even more dissatisfied frown which makes Josh look at what I'm drawing. He rolls his eyes and says, "Why does dad look like a banana?" This is when the people behind us can't help laughing. Nice.

Then a couple weeks later we're all sitting together as a family, and, for once in my life, I am given a turn on the iPad to take a shot at playing Angry Birds. Well, another secret about me--my hand-eye coordination stops at video games. After failing miserably over and over again at what I was informed was an "easy" level, Jackie tells me, "Come on Mom, I beat that level on like my first try with three stars."

This, of course, catches Josh's attention and he looks over to see what level I'm playing. He watches me try it once and then says, "Mom? Why do you suck at everything?"

Me: *Mentally* Thanks Josh. Thanks so much. Love you too!